部落更新了。我突然难过地哭了。
不是因为部落更新而哭，是因为在最需要站出来说话的时候，在最紧急时刻你错过了，
在需要保护和捍卫最后一点点的立场的时候你什么都说不出来。

天父的心意是什么？好害怕．
兜兜转转你让我回来之后，你让我们回来之后，又再次被偷走了的又是什么？

我不明白我为何难过，这并不是一场生死决斗，
这没有和尊严扯上什么，我获得什么？我又会失去什么？这或许只是生命一小段挣扎，
一个别人选择下的信仰。

哭哭啼啼的，做了几年的基督徒，却不能为远方亲戚朋友帮上一点忙？

这信仰原本都不是一段好走的路，它不是因为好走，不是因为一切会变得顺利所以你相信。

路途中抵挡试探，诱惑，被信徒绊倒，被诚实话绊倒，被真理推翻，被世界影响，
灵性慢慢慢慢地消失。

不是我，我很好。
我的信心没有动摇，
我只是无助了。

要站起来，
要如鹰般不断在高空上盘旋，

求主把我的双眼先盖上，让它们因见你的真理你的爱，以你的视野看这一切方可挣开。
求主把我的双唇闭上，洁净它们，因它们不沾上任何人自私的话语，懂得如何说话了才开口。
求主把我的双耳封闭，让听进去的一切与你的真理厘清之后，等待你赐给我的智慧，
了解如何继续活出这生命。

Drawings (:

dear Xue ning, i am gonna randomly shared just a few of drawings to you. i have not finished taking all of them and it's a LOT!! haha. for the first few lessons we were introduced to do mark-makings, expressing your marks in different material,mostly dry and or ink (; 

As an artist,you also need to feel for yourself.PHYSICAL IMPACT + ATTACK ON PAPER)

sounds funny right (: 

Playing with positive and negative as well, drawing only the outline (contour line drawing) ,drawing with eyes closed, with two hands,with your memory, by looking only at the subject and not the paper AT ALL,drawing with both hands....explore a few weird ways and you will find them all interesting (:

the black black one on top we did it under spotlight, changing all the reflections of light to black, it was difficult at the beginning, Because the brighter it seems for the subject, the darker you have to make it in your drawing (:

 for the same bottles, we were asked to go against the traditional way of composition. The other three pieces are very weird, the whole big paper maybe there's only the cap of the bottle popping out from the bottom of the edge of drawing paper,THAT'S ALL !(: 

there's also one thing that we dont just sit far from still life, (still life can be anything around you,it's not something being purposely displayed in front of you).

We were encouraged to use our five senses when drawing, so you smell,you touch,feel,and express them in whatever ways, subjectively,objectively, or this want it called GESTURAL DRAWING -scribbling. 

(:

under spotlight too, this is "SHADOW CASTING". with charcoal and charcoal pencil.

this is done by soft pastel, i smudge it with my fingers (too smooth,some people thinks).

After taking photos from outdoor,we have to do a representational drawing,in A1 size.

(photo is blur ;( )

there's another one which we combine few things from different photos together again, but we have to have SELECTIVE FOCUS. 

Pastel+ charcoal

alright, this is real fun. before cutting this out, we have to draw in A1 size, considering the interlocking of space, overlapping, "push and pull" effects, contrast of tones,repetition, mark-making, texture,etc to complete the drawing(creating movements)...

then, you have to divide planes while drawing.

Finally cut them all out into pieces, "DARE TO DECONSTRUCT AND RECONSTRUCT",

,now it's based on your 心态 in contemporary composition，and your flexibility in looking at it. 

i have done a few attempts and this is my final decision. haha(: 

Lastly in pencil ,we have engine drawing. haha (: we took lots of photo from the car engine and we have to make one representational, and unlimited EXPERIMENTAL DRAWINGS on different disposed paper or cardboards,or wood you can find. using dry or wet materials, even prints, collage or whatever you can think off (:

well this is one of it, i printed out few pictures in black and white. before cutting them to stripes ,i used thiner to transfer the image to tracing paper,then i cut all the tracing paper to random shapes. for the picture, i cut them to stripes,mix them out, and combine each part to a different part. 

after sticking on the box, i used 8b pencil to draw some parts partially, then i sed bitumen to paint on top (:

this is the corner where i display my work for assessment and those you see in the picture are my different sizes of experimental drawing.

i even used white gesso spray and other materials.

show you one day (: 

thanks for your time <3

Paintings for semester 2 (:

there are seven different techniques,first row on the left is wet on wet. basically you paint from the colour that squeezed out from the tubes ,using them "fresh and immediate" and apply them layer after layer without waiting for the first few layers to get dry.

On it's right is called smooth blending. Just make it as smooth as possible.

the second row first one (most left) is called extended Alla Prima. It's a fast way of quickly protraying still life, required to finish as soon as possible. The layer should be thinner, but if you touch up and make it heavier textured, it's called "extended" Alla prima.

On it's right is called Rubbing. You paint the whole canvas board with a colour, then you use turpentine to rub out the colout tone and build form. Using cloth,brush,even your fingers.

Next one is called "glazing". a lot of western masterpieces used this method and that's why now you know it makes sense on painting for up to three years. It's possible. Because this method required you to glaze the colour layer  by layer. what we do for this is we colour it black and white, and if we want the colour orange,we glaze yellow, then another week red, following next week yellow again...goes on and on,never ending. We wont be able to finish it, but there's a way called Scumbling which you apply white again to touch up and make some parts lighter (:

Last row first is Alla Prima. I wasnt satisfied with it that's why i did the extended one.

Next to it is dry brush, you need to squeeze the colour on a newspaper and leave it dry for a few days only you apply on the canvas board (: 

Last one is abstract :" Impasto" is the name. You can docollage or make your own texture,then you paint it anyway. No subject-matter (: (: 

i sticked cloth,dry leaves,textured paper,and gesso before painting it.

Crazy stuff ;p

The next painting we were asked to go around taking photos of flowers,leaves,it has to be with foreground,middle ground,and background.

photo of this painting is not that clear. basically i came out with this composition with different photos.

This painting requires us to work on Impressionist, i chose Monet as artist reference and i used a lot of pallette knife in applying paints to create rough texture.

I do not think i have fully made it impressionist but it's just a guideline to work on this piece so it's still okay (: 

during the finishing process, actually the middle of the bunch of flowers weren't there from the beginning. But when it's almost done, lecturer said the main subject of this composition has formed a very obvious straight line.

(Cover with your hand and you'll see)

So it's not good in viewing for a tradisional way of composition,so i have to add a bunch of flowers that lead people's eyes to go down and go up again (:

The second one,same composition but we have to make it Expressionist or Fauvist(野兽派）

. I can say it's the beginning of making it ridiculous. The colours for everything is subjective, and i felt very awkward throughout finishing this thing. Yeah the colours are bright for fauvist, and it's also flat. 

Meant to be this way??

Till now i still cant really take it ;p

the last three were in bigger canvases. We have to make one indoor,one outdoor,and one with both. the requirement is either two needs to be impressionist,one has to be expressionist or fauvist again. and one composition has to be asymmetrical ,one symmetrical, one approximate symmetrical.

This composition was taken under the long railway that we took our dinner(xue ning) (: that time with Chris,qiu ning, remember??

Artist reference :Cezanne (post-impressionist)

The main thing that i take from Cezanne is a little of his brushstrokes style.

We always have a habit of our own brushstrokes style, every individual has one. And lecturer asked us to breakthrough and experiment more first before fixing on one. It wasn't easy,subconsciously you'll always go back to your own style.

So i chose a flat bigger brushstrokes for this painting.

Second one,artist reference Edgar Degas(Impressionist).

I have always felt that my colour need some improvements. So i chose a few of his paintings,get the colour in my mind,referring to his paintings while painting mine. Even the brushstrokes i loosen out and make it a little alla prima style (:

i love this the most ;p

But lecturer said it's a bit too grayish. There's one thing in oil paint, if you mix colours with white too much, as time passes by, your painting will eventually get grayish. But not so soon,slowly slowly..(:

another silly one~

I chose red and blue because it gives you a strong weird feeling when looking at it.

Artist reference: Henri Martisse( Fauvist and Expressionist)

As i progress on, lecturer kept saying it's not bold enough. So i have to try using weird colour combinations,weird things to complete this painting. i Created strange texture here and there ;p

thanks for your patience (:

如果线条不漂亮，那就用毕生去学习去发掘每个可能性，
如果画面太乱，就要舍得舍弃，保持简单追求平静，
如果奢望太高太多，就从新理解生命的中心看待永恒的礼物，
如果已无法懂得下一步该怎样，就坦然潇洒放手让主为你安排。


久违了的平静和安然，久违的潇洒，你回到我的身边了吗？

感谢主的力量，和感谢他的保守，让破裂的伤口复合，让波涛自己平息，
让诚实和坦白自己流露，
让快乐再次变得简单，
让简单变得满足。

虽然诱惑还是有，虽然还会蠢蠢欲动念念不忘，
虽然脑海的画面依旧清晰，
可是神会一直帮助我，我知道我知道。

不小心畅游

大概是第4堂游泳课了吧，一步一步我对于自己每一次的小突破而感到满足。
不管是不学自通或者是有一套的前后步骤，最后还是要放下心让自己听话地，轻轻地和水做朋友。
在水里憋气，悬在水中央带着蛙镜，拍动双手，伸展双脚，然后再冲上水面，喷水。
整个过程其实真的没有想太多，唯有让自己全心全意游动往前划动。

刚下水时胸口的确是闷了，它就像是被很多层裹布包围身体让自己重新把呼吸的节奏调整过来。
久而久之，就开始吸气，呼气，憋气，吐气，在水中上上下下，沉净。

今天游到黄昏，抬头浮游时眼见云朵很少，它们是泛粉红的。
我坐在泳池边缘，突然胸口没有了重心，呼吸变得很通畅。我叹了一口气，然后把手掌手指摊开抚摸水面，这种感觉我很喜欢，一直都很喜欢。
低头思考，我也不晓得该怎么诠释一种束缚被解开，可是残留那几根拉扯着我的线条。

每次在学长姐第6层公寓冲洗后一定嚷着要到那阳台上吹风，静心。
这次已慢慢敲醒了夜晚，月亮和街灯的颜色很相近，让人产生错觉。月亮慢慢从云朵之上升起，再躲到云朵后。
我不奢望让自己站得太高，也许和对面的办公大楼一样高，足以让我瞭望全景，看看上面，看看下面，寻找和我内心有所感动的画面和角落，记在心里。
柏油路的直线同时也浮了上来，它就像INCEPTION影片里的路一样升起，然后通往另一个角度的视野。

听到很多不同轻重的声音，犹如内心的声音一样，那么多。。。多地偶尔自己也听不清楚。
突然想起最近尽可能不要再到面书张扬，我知道用词也许不当，可是我好像太依赖这管道。与其和世界千万种不同的声音一同大声唱，或许有些东西默默在心里哼就好了。
我们都看似只是纯粹在发泄，可是我们也在争，或大或小，尽管你的心态多正确，到最后你依然轻易被牵引。
如此现实地影响着，也提醒了我有些声音好像被你忽略了，有些声音好像不能从这管道方可听见。

我的声音，也有所保留着。
时间，也静静地守着。
虽然迟了，可是我看到定时炸弹悄悄倒数着呢